Gettin my blog on and meeting the Lice Lady

Ok, this might show up 5 times or none at all…I have been trying to get back to my new blog but I kept going to which is the Tervis website. Over and over I just kept getting the Tervis site not the cool blogger site of which I am now part of. 

Continued getting the tervis site and finally gave up and had a look around…did you know they have a 16 ounce Goblet?? I did not. Anyway I googled tumbler blogs and was directed to none other than I get it. Bloggers don’t like vowels. Lot to learn in this newcreative endeavor time sucker. See, on a blog you can do that, cross through words. Facebook won’t let ya! HA!

I know you are waiting for “Crazy Tennis Lady” details. Trust me, they are coming. But today was 2nd treatment day of LiceFest 2013. AFTER crazy tennis lady I had an appointment with the Lice Lady. A girl just wants to have fun.

If you find yourself heading there. (get it, “heading there”) Don’t look for a big sign displaying “Pediatric Hair Solutions”. There won’t be a marquee with a big ole bug on it. Not even a picture of anybody scratching their head! Nothing.You will see the big realty sign because that is where they are discretely located. In a real estate office. Well played Lice Lady, well played.

I go busting in for my appointment and guess what?? I KNOW THE LICE LADY!! I KNOW HER!  I KNOW HER!! She used to date my hubby’s pal back when everyone was single. I remembered her, she remembered me! What a joyous reunion, at the Lice Lady’s clinic. In the real estate building.

I instantly felt better because not only is she The Lice Lady, but I know her AND she was in the medical profession from what I remembered. Nurse? Physical Therapist? Social worker? Ok, maybe I just thought she used to be in the medical profession. Don’t quote me, it’s been awhile. Maybe the last time I saw her was at a Dr’s office and we were both patients. I really don’t know.

 Anyway, we get down to business and this place is the bomb! She has a microscope, she has examples ranging from nits to louse, she has these crazy awesome glasses that magnify a bajillion times! She has a zapper machine that really is what I should have just done instead of buying all the stuff and doing it myself. 

I got all the loot I needed for my second diy home lice remedy. I learned that the Lice Lady is busy, realllllly busy. But also learned that the Lice Lady does a lot of philanthropy. She donates her services to foster children. She does the same for a children’s home/facility in Clinton. I really really liked that about the Lice Lady. It made me feel good knowing that someone like her was helping those who really needed it.

It made me think of my lice. Especially tonight as I sat quietly and pulled the comb through Abby’s hair while the other two sat making friendship bracelets with greasy goo on their heads. Abby said she liked me going through her hair. Caroline said it was like playing salon and could we do it every night. I think of the Lice Lady as bringing families together. Forcing us to spend hours upon hours just sitting (and combing) but sitting. Being.

I’ve done a little a lot of complaining about LIceFest 2013. When I think of all the parentless children the Lice Lady is taking care of it kinda hurts my heart. I’m going to be more grateful as I pluck nits from my amazing children. If you have to have your nits picked by anybody other than your mamma, I’m glad to know the Lice Lady is the one doing it. 


Crazy Tennis Lady Background

I’ll get the bugs fixed and improve blog layout. (she said bugs, giggle) The spacing, the fonts, the layout. A title. Patience grasshoppa. No time for that now, crazy tennis lady story begs to be written.

First you must know that I’m what you call a novice tennis player. New to the game. Excited about the whole experience. Cute clothes and hats. Tennis tan. Getting to say “we’ll play clay” and not be referring to play-dough. 

I’ve never ever played a team sport. Well, I was on a recreational softball team once. I broke my ankle. Running to take my position in right field. (You know who they put in right field) I tripped on my way there and broke my ankle. I was able to say that I broke my ankle playing softball because technically that was true. This was my only involvement in a team sport or sport of any type. Unless you count kickball. I was decent at kickball. 

So, excited about my new venture into League Tennis I took some lessons and started a team. “Scared Hitless” is our name because I really hated playing the net. I thought it clever.

All suited up to play I imagined I would look like this:                      image

Ok, maybe not. My hair is not that long. In reality I probably looked more like this:


NO! My hair is not that blonde!

Anyway, you are missing the point! It is supposed to be FUN! Going out to play other ladies who are uber competitive and think they are playing the final set at Wimbledon looking for a relaxed atmosphere to enjoy being outside and learning something new. Because if you are playing with me chances are you are new. Or sorta new. Because face it, 2.5 means beginner. Now on the spectrum of USTA 2.5 players there are new beginners that I will refer to as beginner beginners and beginners who have been playing as a beginner for sometime. They are really just better beginners. Understand? 

So my first spring season of all types of 2.5 matches with my shiny new team was a blast! We had fun, we played a lot of tennis and I met some really cool people! I never won a match. Ever. Not one. Some were close but there was never a W in my column. Sweet supportive hubby told me I needed to get better or quit. (That is another blog post entirely)  But I had fun, I really did. 

Imagine my sheer delight when I was asked to join a COMBO team. Ok, I kinda badgered people letting them know I really wanted to play on a combo team and a captain took pity and gave in. But wow! ME! On a combo team. More fun people! More fun times! How much better could it get? 

A combo team consists of a 2.5 player matched with a 3.0 player. Or a 3.0 player with a 4.0 player, I guess there are probably 3.5 players with 3.0 players…omg I’m realizing the possible combo’s are endless. You get the point. 

So out I go, a beginner beginner with a 3.0 to play some other beginner beginner (maybe) with a 3.0. (remember lots of room on that spectrum). We lose.  But we were competitive and it was fun. Went to a 3rd set tiebreaker. We weren’t the home team and they ended up with a gallery. That clapped. A little intimidating but whatev. They weren’t really clapping for me unless I screwed up. But ok.  AND I played with the nicest lady in tennis. Who is beautiful. And she doesn’t sweat. Ever. Anyway, she didn’t seem to mind when I missed balls, called lets on the neighbor court, or messed up the score a lot. Just nice fun relaxing tennis. Then we had lunch. That’s what tennis ladies do after tennis. Not always, but sometimes. 

Couple more matches, couple more losses, but I’m growing. My game is evolving. The day comes where I am playing doubles with our captain (not intimidating at all) and I’m on fire, simply my best ever playing with someone who seriously makes up for all my errors and our opponents must have been suffering from some unspoken illness that allowed me to actually hit the ball with my racquet. Finally a W next to my name on the official USTA page! Whoop Whoop! Oh joy! We all four had a blast and enjoyed our time on the court. What fun ladies to play with. Does it get any better than this?

No, it does not get any better. It can sometimes get worse. You know why? Because not everyone is nice. Not everyone is classy. Not everyone realizes its a game. For fun. Played by middle aged women. SOME people are in training for the middle aged lady olympics. Some people think that playing this beginner beginner is going to make or break the next endorsement from Nike. THOSE people try to steal my tennis joy. But I won’t let them. No I will not. 

Blog posts are supposed to be short. This one is already too long. So the next post will expose the crazy tennis lady. At least you have the background to understand it all. 

By the way, you can comment or like. Somebody told me bloggers get paid…so I’ll need a lot of followers. Maybe I can get endorsements from Pediatric Hair Solutions…I can somehow combine that with tennis…just a thought.


Crazy Tennis Lady Story Is Now a Book. Chapter I

So when you visualize Crazy Tennis Lady what comes to mind? A hardcore tennis player with amazing backhands and relentless drop shots.  A fierce competitor accustomed to winning because she’s a winner. Take no prisoners. Preserve the prestigious record of all W’s in that USTA column. Local, state and regional titles. Trophy’s and plaques adorning the club where Crazy Tennis Lady is a member. (I use the term club loosely).

Perhaps you think of a former college player who continues to play with the same intensity and mental fortitude from her glory days.

Or maybe an avid player with years under her tennis belt who has successfully climbed the USTA ranks. Even a newcomer (remember beginner beginner) with a natural talent in the game of tennis who hit the courts as a winner and never looked back.

Nope. Not even close. How about a 6 year player who is at the 3.0 level? Say what? Yep. 6 years of multiple matches at least 20 plus matches per season. Singles/Doubles/Mixed Doubles and of course COMBO. Matter of fact, in the 2013 season how about 18 matches with 5 wins. Now I’m no statistics genius, but one would think with a record like that you might take your game (and yourself) a little less serious. Maybe she’s thinking if not Nike, perhaps Adidas is still on the table. Long shot? There’s always middle age lady olympic tennis. Doesn’t exist? I guess 5.5 combo is what you have left people. And you get to play with folks like me. A true beginners beginner. Looking to play hard, have fun and enjoy my time on the court.

So what, pray tell would lead to such tacky behavior to be a rude rudy when you are a visiting player? It certainly can’t have anything to do with the facilities. The fabulous KROC Tennis Center is  beautifully situated in downtown Greenville. State of the art courts, complete with score boards, clean locker rooms and the best front desk tennis staff for miles around! If you are a visiting team at the KROC center you are treated to true southern hospitality, Greenville style. I’ve been to weddings that have less food than what is put out for visiting teams. It’s a time to show off your brunch cooking skills. Is it your turn to bring a salty or a sweet? Drinks? Maybe not a cocktail, but whatever your thirst requires there will be something to quench it on our table. 

Forgive me as I digress, but I must address the “snacks”. I thought it odd when I learned the home team provides snacks for the visiting team. I get pretty snacked out between baseball, ballet and the never ending school parties (yet another blog entirely – the snack mentality) However, I am proud to see the homemade sandwiches with the crust removed next to an assortment of sweet, salty, healthy and oh no I need snacks for tennis- let me run to publix for a quick bag of Stacy’s chips and some pimento cheese.

Needless to say, the KROC teams actually “host” our visitors. We like it and we are good at it. IF you are the one who is making the mad dash to publix after morning carpool you know that someone was home cutting crusts. In my short time at KROC I have yet to see a table filled with 20 bags of Stacy’s chips so it’s working for us. Good job ladies.

Not all “clubs” present the same gracious hosting. Let’s just say a luke warm 2 Liter chek cola and pre packaged lance crackers from the vending machine leave a lot to be desired. But I digress. 

So it’s not the facilities, can’t be the location. No one would dare say we didn’t feed you. What could it be that before a match even starts crazy tennis lady is simply not happy? Many do gooders have said “Perhaps she got off to a bad morning start”…

That can certainly happen. Wanna know how?? Let me explain.  I was loading up with gatorades, water, Izze (all flavors of course) and a few diet cokes. Not much room left in my cute tennis bag so I had to remove my racquet.

I get unloaded at the KROC. Adding my bevs to the exquisite spread. Ohhh, is that tuna on croissants? Why yes it is!  Exchange lineups and hustle out to take my place on the court for warmup. Reach in my much lighter bag and… wait for it. No racquet. It’s at home. On the table. BECAUSE I TOOK IT OUT TO MAKE ROOM FOR DRINKS FOR OUR GUESTS. Now all of this commenced AFTER I tried to braid and bun little heads and get them out the door on time. 

Many apologies as I rush back up to the tennis house where sweet front desk friends give me a loaner. Rush back down to take my place. No harm no foul…warm ups are still taking place. And did I mention we were right on time? But lo and behold, Somebody’s aggravated!And it’s NOT ME! That’s right. Somehow me bringing drinks for you and forgetting my racquet in the process has gotten on your nerves. Excuuuuusssseeee Me (in my best Steve Martin imitation)

So that’s how it started. I somehow messed with somebody’s tennis mojo by forgetting my racquet in an effort to provide a refreshing beverage. (Sound like mother guilt? good)